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12 Tips for Negotiating and Compromising with Difficult People

Negotiating is the process of attempting to agree on a solution. Compromising, or settling on a mutually agreeable solution, is the result of successful negotiations. Compromise is all about being flexible. It means being able to generate alternate solutions when you’ve “hit the wall.” Whether it involves a person you can’t get along with, an idea you know will work but that others are reluctant to agree to, a change in office systems, or a turf war that needs ending, learning to negotiate and compromise is essential to your success.

1. Have a positive attitude.
Your attitude is essential to the outcome. You have a much better chance of coming to an outcome involving mutual gains if you approach the negotiation as an opportunity to learn and achieve a win-win outcome.

2. Meet on mutual ground.
Find a mutually agreeable and convenient physical space to meet that is comfortable for all involved. Agree on when you will meet and how much time is available to devote to the process. Whenever possible, deal with negotiations face-to-face. Be careful about using the phone and e-mail. A lack of facial expressions, vocal intonation, and other cues can result in a negotiation breakdown.

3. Clearly define and agree on the issue.
Agree on the statement of the issue using simple and factual terms. If the situation is multifaceted, search for ways to slice the large issue into smaller pieces and deal with one issue at a time.

4. Do your homework.
Take time to plan. You must not only know what is at stake for yourself, but you need to know the other side’s concerns and motivation. Take into consideration any history or past situations that might affect the negotiations. Know the must-haves (nonnegotiable items) and nice-to-haves (negotiable items). Determine the best resolution, a fair and reasonable deal, and a minimally acceptable deal.

5. Take an honest inventory of yourself.
Determine the level of trust you have in the other person and the process. Be conscious of aspects of your personality that can help or hinder the process.

6. Look for shared interests.
Get on the same side by finding and establishing similarities. Since conflict tends to magnify perceived differences and minimize similarities, look for common goals, objectives, or even gripes that can illustrate that you are in this together. Focus on the future, talk about what is to be done, and tackle the problem jointly.

7. Deal with facts, not emotions.
Address problems, not personalities. Avoid any tendency to attack the other person or to pass judgment on his or her ideas and opinions. Avoid focusing on the past or blaming the other person. Maintain a rational, goal-oriented frame of mind. This will depersonalize the conflict, separate the issues from the people involved, and avoid defensiveness.

8. Be honest.
Don’t play games. Be honest and clear about what is important to you. It is equally important to be clear and to communicate why your goals, issues, and objectives are important to you.

9. Present alternatives and provide evidence.
Create options and alternatives that demonstrate your willingness to compromise. Consider conceding in areas that might have high value to the other person but are not that important to you. Frame options in terms of the other person’s interests and provide evidence for your point of view.

10. Be an expert communicator.
Nothing shows determination to find a mutually satisfactory resolution to conflict more than applying excellent communication skills. Ask questions, listen, rephrase what you heard to check for understanding, and take a genuine interest in the other side’s concerns. Reduce tension through humor, let the other “vent,” and acknowledge the other’s views. Focus less on your position and more on ways in which you can move toward a resolution or compromise.

11. End on a good note.
Develop a win-win proposal and check to make sure that everyone involved leaves the situation feeling they have “won.” Shake on it and agree on the action steps, who is responsible for each step, how success will be measured, and how and when the decision will be evaluated. Be open to reaching an impasse for non-critical issues; you can agree to disagree on minor issues.

12. Enjoy the process.
Look at the benefits of learning other points of view. People report that after overcoming conflict and reaching an agreement, the relationship grew even stronger. Reflect and learn from each negotiation. Determine the criteria to evaluate the process and the solution.

From the Knowledge Center http://www.dalecarnegie.com

Tips for Dealing With an Upset Customer

From time to time, you will have to deal with a customer or client who is very upset. No matter who is to blame, it is always important to keep a few principles in mind to improve rather than deteriorate the situation with the customer. Here are some tips for dealing with an upset customer:

1. Stay calm. Try to remain diplomatic and polite. Getting angry will only make the customer angrier.
2. Try to see things from the customer’s point of view. Perhaps you would also feel upset if you were in the same situation.
3. Thank the person for raising the concern and do it sincerely. Emphasize the importance of satisfied customers to you and your organization.
4. Listen for understanding. Sometimes the irate caller just wants someone to listen to their story, even if you are unable to help them.
5. Ask questions to get their facts and feelings. Listen to learn rather than to prepare your response. Don’t respond too quickly.
6. Find points of agreement with their concerns. Establish common ground to show the person you are listening.
7. Always show a willingness to resolve the problem or conflict. Make the resolution seem as easy as possible.
8. Be genuine and show your personality. Respond as an understanding friend rather than by citing policies.
9. Be firm but understanding with your answers.
10. As a last resort, offer to have your supervisor talk to the caller. Your supervisor may say the same things, but sometimes hearing it from someone else has a positive effect on the customer.

From the Knowledge Center  http://www.dalecarnegie.com

I was asked recently how you can make sure that you are prompt in returning phone calls and emails. I’ve been thinking about it, because in my mind, it’s simple. You put it on your to do list, and you just do it.

Then, when I was waiting for a salesman to call me back, I suddenly realized that it’s not that simple – it’s even more simple. You have to want to. You have to see returning phone calls or emails in a timely fashion as important. You have to see it as part of your professional behavior. You have to want to give a good impression, to have a good relationship and to make the person you’re communicating with feel important.

Too many people see other people as an interruption to their work. They think that completing the report or writing the code or issuing the policy is the work. And it is. But it’s only half the work. The work is results AND relationships. Understanding that returning calls and emails is as important as the results work drives professional behavior. Being prompt in returning messages is a mindset as much as an action.

E-books have never been more popular, but despite all of the attention they have gotten recently, there isn’t a universal e-book format, and we must contend with the many different types of e-books and e-readers that are available. Here’s a rundown of the popular e-book formats that are available today and how to use them all.

Adobe PDF is the most well-known e-book format; it’s been around since 1993. Adobe provides a free PDF reader with Adobe Reader and offers a commercial product called Adobe Acrobat for creating PDF files. Other programs also provide the ability to create documents in PDF format such as Microsoft Office 2007, OpenOffice and many freeware tools.

The Amazon Kindle series of e-readers has its own .azw format (a variation of MobiPocket format). Amazon has released free Kindle readers for the PC, Mac, iPhone & BlackBerry, which will allow you to read Kindle books without a Kindle. Here’s the Kindle library of e-books, which also includes some free books.

Barnes & Noble Nook hit the streets in November 2009 and is a serious challenger to Amazon’s Kindle. The Nook is based on Android, and supports EPUB, PDF and PDB formats. Just like Amazon does with its free Kindle reader, Barnes & Noble also provides a free eReader for multiple platforms (PC, Mac, iPhone and BlackBerry). You can also find a bevvy of free e-books on the online library.

Sony (s sne) has several models of e-readers available. It has its own eBookStore where you can download e-books and free readers for the PC and Mac. You can use this player to read free books you can download from the eBookStore, as well as from Google’s book library, which contains over one million public domain books available.  Sony Readers support the following formats: BBeB Book (LRF/LRX), PDF, TXT, RTF and ePub.

Microsoft Reader introduced the LIT format in 2000. I can’t believe it’s been a decade since Microsoft unleashed what it hoped was going to be the PDF killer. Sadly, that revolution never transpired, but Microsoft Reader is alive and kicking and free for creating and reading e-books on laptops, desktops, tablets and Windows Mobile devices.

Apple announced support for the free open e-book standard EPUB (Electronic Publication) in its iPad when it introduced the iBooks e-reader app in January. Obviously, it’s much too early to tell how good this app will turn out to be. However, based on all of the pre-orders for the device, one can safely guess that this new format will become popular very quickly. Apple’s iBookStore will have content from publishers Penguin Books, HarperCollins, Simon & Schuster, Macmillan Publishers, and Hachette Book Group USA.

Which e-reader do you use, and why?

Photo by Flickr user Jurvetson, licensed under CC-BY-2.0

Related GigaOM Pro content (sub. req.): Irrational Exuberance Over E-Books?

I was asked on twitter what my solution is for keeping data/metrics together. The short answer is ‘little and often’. I once owned a spreadsheet which tracked 900 on site contractors and had 35 or 40 columns. It was color coded and drove all our metrics. The only way to keep it up to date was to do half an hour on it every day. I learnt that the hard way, having been on vacation and finding that having to make 10 days worth of updates was horrid!

Anything administrative that you can do a little of each day – filing, expenses, updating data – it’s better if you do. If you can break down your monthly metrics to a weekly task, just dividing it in four will make it more bearable. If you have to do something monthly, then a checklist helps, since it’s long enough between iterations that it can be hard to remember each step.

The end of the day, after you’ve planned tomorrow, is an excellent time for doing little things. Tasks like sorting your receipts into date order, which makes expenses go so much faster, or filing a few documents, or tidying your desktop, or archiving emails can all be done then, when you’re already tired and not capable of “Big Thoughts”.

What other solutions do you have that you can share?

I conduct pretty much all of my business online. I use a dozen different web applications on a daily basis. I rely on these tools to get my work done, which makes it absolutely crucial that I do everything I can to protect my information. I do my best to find trustworthy applications, but in the end, some of my security comes down to something I do for myself — choosing good passwords.

A good password has to balance security with our ability to remember it, because minimizing the number of places that a password is written down or otherwise recorded is a good idea. It’s a tough line — the most memorable passwords are the easiest to crack, while the most secure are a jumble of characters that are impossible to recall. But there are some steps you can take to create a reasonably secure password that you’re less likely to forget.

1. Forget about amusing passwords. Among the most common passwords are those that seem to amuse the person creating them — there are plenty that use profanity or insults. Some sites, such as Twitter, have actually created lists of words that are banned from use as passwords. A surprising number of them fall into this category. Passwords such as these aren’t secure, if only because they’re relatively common and more likely to be tried first if someone is trying to crack your password.
2. Try longer phrases. Most of us have an easier time remember actual words and phrases than random assortments of letters and numbers. Using just one word, perhaps with a number tacked on to the end, is often less secure, however — certain methods of hacking passwords include simply running a dictionary through the password system. Using a longer phrase — especially if it includes numbers or other characters — makes it significantly harder to guess.
3. Use a minimum of eight characters. Longer passwords are better. Most sites require you to have at least six characters in your password these days. Some are moving up to eight, but if you can go for longer, you should. That’s another benefit of using a phrase.
4. Choose related, but not identical, passwords. You want to minimize the chances you’ll forget a password, but using identical passwords means that if one of your accounts hacked into, you’ll run the risk of having other accounts hacked as well. One option may be choosing phrases about the same topic, while another is changing key parts of your password to reflect the site you’re using it for.
5. Don’t use personal details. In the event that someone is hoping to gain access to your personal accounts, details like your phone number, employment details and important dates in your life will be among the first passwords typically tried. Instead, you want to use something that may have personal meaning for you — at least enough to help you remember it — but that won’t be easy for anyone else to guess.

How do you create secure yet memorable passwords?

Photo by Flicker user akeg licensed under CC BY-ND 2.0

Related GigaOM Pro content (sub. req.): Can Enterprise Privacy Survive Social Networking?

We recently held a competition in our newsletter for two of our readers to win an online subscription to the Wall Street Journal. (If you don’t get the newsletter, become a registered member by completing the ‘create new account’ process in the green box on the top of your screen. And, if you are a registered member and you haven’t been receiving the newsletter, check the settings in your profile. It’s possible you’ve deselected that option).

The competition stated that entrants should write 75 words completing the sentence: “I really want a Wall Street Journal because…”. The entries were by turn funny, poignant, attention grabbing and beautiful in their simplicity. We enjoyed reading them very much, and then the judging came!

Despite the quality of the entries (and we really wish we could publish them all) the Manager Tools team agreed that Jason Bercovici and Fran Hodgkin’s entries resonated most with us. You can read them below. Thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts with us, and congratulations to Jason and Fran!

Fran Hodgkins

I really want a Wall Street journal because I’m a nurse. And nurses aren’t supposed to have to know anything about business and money and least of all…management. But because I’m a SMART NURSE and I listen to the Manager Tools Podcasts and get the e-mails, I suspect there is something in the Wall Street Journal that I am missing….because Mark says so.

Jason Bercovici

I really want a Wall Street Journal because after being recently laid off and with two kids my budget barely covers basics. My income is ¼ what it was as I start building my business in a new sales position. MT advice on network building, resumes and their Interviewing Series enabled my move from a declining advertising sector (radio) to a growing one (online) amid steep competition. I wish to follow their
WSJ advice too.

Manager Tools management is based on behavior. But it can be difficult sometimes to work out what behavior is, when we’re so used to drawing conclusions.

One of my favorite blogs is Nicholas Bate’s (http://nicholasbate.typepad.com/)who writes pithy, thought-provoking posts and often in series (his fake powerpoints are very funny too!). He wrote recently, “0825 not 0832”. It’s a very short shorthand for a good attitude (coming in early, not being late), and it is a behavior.

I started thinking about what other shorthand there is, or said differently, what early warnings signals we could spot where early feedback or extra attention in our O3’s might stave off a bigger problem. Coming in late where the person was previously punctual is definitely one. I also thought of:

Previously A+ work now A- work.
A change in the response to ‘How are you’ – even from ‘I’m great’ to ‘I’m ok’.
Moving from ‘Prepared’ to ‘Just in Time’

What else?

It’s Friday afternoon. You clean up and get ready for respite. Surprise, surprise … within an hour of checking out for the weekend, a phone call comes in. What do you do? Ignore the call? Pick it up? As a web worker who can work anywhere, any time, is it possible to mark the end of the day?

The best time to deal with this situation is at the start of a relationship. “I treat my consultant/contractor work like a regular job, and set expectations when I first speak with a prospective client. I explain what my work hours are and that I’m not available in the evenings or weekends,” says Deborah Edwards-Onoro.

Like most web workers, you may be flexible and accept occasional out-of-hours work. Still, it could snowball into a regular thing. “Frankly, if you don’t set the parameters ahead of time, you’re setting yourself up for expectations that aren’t going to be acceptable,” says Michele Wilcox.

What if you have multiple clients and they all decide to call on you at the same time, or you bite off more than you can chew? Draw a line under your time by being proactive with these tips.

• Discuss work hours at the start of a relationship. Specify your hours of availability and your flexibility. Set guidelines for special projects and emergencies that require out-of-hours work. These guidelines could include number of days or hours of advance notice for after hours work, list higher rates and how to handle emergencies. Get all of this down in a simple contract template that you can re-use.
• Keep separate phone lines. Web workers should have separate phone numbers for home and business. It’s not professional to use one line for both, especially as there are plenty of telephony options available that can make it possible without a big expense.
• Find a voicemail tool with features you need. Some voicemail providers offer features that give you more control over how the service handles your calls.
• Let calls go to voicemail. Your client may be calling to share a thought without expecting you to answer. Let voicemail take the message and then check to see what the client has to say. Answering every time gives the impression you’re “always on.”
• Turn off the phone. The phone should be there for your convenience. Despite this, some people struggle to ignore a ringing phone.
• Set email guidelines. Tell your clients when they can expect an email response. You can set a rule that you reply within two hours during working hours and then a different rule for after hours and weekends.
• Post your business hours. List your hours on your web site and in your voice mail, or indicate the best time to reach you. Prospective clients will respect your hours if they see your schedule before hiring you.
• Turn off instant messaging, Facebook chat and similar tools. If clients contact you by instant messaging (IM) or on other platforms such as Skype, remember to switch your status to “away” as needed — or turn off the service.
• Be proactive and present. Some clients don’t think to ask if you’re available for after-hours work. Rather than waiting for it to happen, tell the client that you’re flexible and would appreciate advance notice if something comes up. “If a client feels taken care of, he or she may hesitate before picking up the phone on weekends or after hours,” says Michelle I. Zavala.

Some people believe “always on” is the way to stay ahead of competitors, but it can harm your health and work quality. “How can you give your best to a client if they’re calling you, say, in the middle of the night and you’re asleep?” asks Teresa Nolan Barensfeld. “Another point is that your clients won’t see you as a professional if you don’t set any boundaries about your availability.”

Some freelancers say they compromise with after-hours work by taking time off during the day. You may run into clients who need 24/7 support. Steer away from such a set-up by asking questions and understanding their expectations. “Not everyone needs to set these boundaries for themselves and not every business model allows them. However, I have found that I am far more productive if I have a clear distinction between my office hours and the time I spend with my family,” says Laura Sultan.

How do you manage after-hours work?

Photo by stock.xchng user Hans Thoursie.