Is there an area of your life or business where you just can’t seem to get a grip? You try and try, but can never seem to fix it.

I was thinking about this recently over something that’s been plaguing and frustrating me on a daily basis for quite some time — not consistently sticking with an exercise routine, and I started wondering if there was something more to it.

The fact that I don’t exercise more bugs me all the time. “You need to exercise,” or some variation of it, crosses my mind a minimum of ten times a day. That’s ridiculous. The energy, attention, and time I spend on simply thinking about exercising is far greater than what it would take to simply stop everything and actually do it, so what’s the problem? The answer: Something is controlling me. In my case, it’s a schedule.

I feel a constant pull to conform to someone else’s idea of when I should work and what times things should happen: What time to wake up, eat, work out, run errands, go to bed, etc. It’s silly, but true. A schedule (or really some crazy idea I have of what constitutes a “normal” schedule) is controlling me and making me not live the way I want to live. It doesn’t matter that I might function better and be more productive and content following an altogether different routine than everyone else on the planet. No, I’d rather struggle to do things the way everyone else does. I’d rather see how many ways and how many times a square peg will not fit into a round hole.

Why is that I can commit to forging my own path in every other area of my life, but struggle with this one? I think it’s because it’s so easy to become controlled and not live or work the way we really want to live or work. Think about it. Maybe you’ve wanted for many years to:

• Write a book,
• Become a runner,
• Get up early,
• Get in shape, or
• Build a thriving business.

But, why haven’t you? What’s stopping you from doing what you want to do?

• Maybe you long to be a writer, but hate the thought of having your work criticized. The critics are controlling you.
• Maybe you wish that you could get into better shape, but can never seem to find the time or routine to make it work. A schedule is controlling you.
• Maybe you want to build a thriving business, but can’t imagine putting yourself out there and promoting yourself or your business. Your fear is controlling you.
• Maybe you need to hire an assistant or a coach, but hate to have to turn to someone else for help. Your pride is controlling you.
• Maybe you’d love to get up early, watch the sunrise over coffee, and enjoy some quiet time to yourself before starting yet another busy day, but have never been able to stick with going to bed and getting up early. Your laziness, indifference or complacency is controlling you.

If there’s something in your life or business that you want to do, something that you know would make all the difference in your productivity or contentment, think hard and honestly when answering, “Why am I not doing it?” Are circumstances, other people, your attitude, your complacency, or anything else controlling you?

Once you know (and perhaps admit) that something is, in fact, controlling you, what are you going to do about it? How will you take back your power?

Sometimes simply being aware of something can change the way you approach it. Just having the knowledge that I’m allowing some arbitrary definition of a “normal” schedule control how I live and work makes me reevaluate how I spend my days and, at the very least, question my motives for doing things a certain way.

In the past, what has stopped you from doing things the way you wanted to do them in life and business, and how did you find a way to overcome them?

Photo by Flickr user seantoyer, licensed under CC 2.0

While everyone experiences job-related stress at one time or another, those of us who work mostly or entirely online have a slightly different type of stress. We trade stressful commutes and stressful office environments for the stress that results from spending too many hours in front of the computer with little human interaction. We all need to find ways to deal with stress before it becomes a problem. Over the years, I’ve developed some stress reduction techniques that help me manage stress without letting it get out of control.

Balanced Approach to Control

First, you need to take a balanced approach to stress by focusing on the things you can control. Most people who have real issues dealing with stress let too many things that are out of their control increase their stress level. If something is out of your control, then worrying about it or dwelling on it to the point that it causes you stress just isn’t productive. Take a step back and think about the problem with an objective eye toward focusing your time and energy on those things that you can control and focusing your work in areas where you can have an impact. Learning to let the rest go and not letting those things that are out of your control increase your stress level is very difficult, but it can be mastered with practice. People who regularly read my posts will notice that this is a common theme for me; in most things, I have learned to focus on a few areas and let the rest go.

Get Out and Get Moving

Getting regular exercise and keeping your body moving is a time-honored way to reduce stress. Exercise increases your endorphin levels and gives you a boost, which is why I try to exercise during lunch when the weather isn’t too hot because it gives me a nice little break in the middle of the day and lets me hit the afternoon with a fresh burst of exercise-induced energy. This is also a perfect opportunity to get some fresh air and maybe even a little sunshine, depending on where you live. Even if you just get outside long enough to make the trip to the gym, getting out of your home office for a short break and a little fresh air can be useful. On those days where your schedule refuses to cooperate, even a 5-10 minute walk around the block can really help reduce your stress.

Socialize

Great conversation and laughter with friends is one of my favorite ways to reduce stress. When was the last time you had a nice lunch away from the computer or went to happy hour with some friends after work? Make it a point to plan a couple of activities with friends every week. This doesn’t need to be complicated or time-consuming. Take a 20-minute walk at lunch with a friend, work out or run with a partner, invite a few friends to happy hour or dinner, or even attend some local social events related to your areas of interest. Talking to real people, in person, is a great way to decompress after a long day at work and reduce our stress.

Reading and Hobbies

Turn the television off, shut the lid of the laptop and spend a few minutes doing something in the real world that doesn’t involve typing. I love to read, and I try to spend at least 30 minutes every evening with a book — the dead tree kind — to get away from the glare of the computer screen. I also like to turn on some music and cook a real dinner occasionally (you know, the kind of dinner where you recognize the ingredients as something from nature, rather than something out of a box). If you don’t have a hobby, find one, and spend some time relaxing and forgetting about the things that leave you stressed out at the end of the day.

The real key to managing stress is to stay ahead of it by making your stress reduction techniques just another part of your daily routine. By exercising, getting fresh air, socializing with friends and making time for your hobbies, you naturally keep your stress levels down without having to take any drastic measures later.

What are your favorite ways to reduce stress?

Photo by Aaron Hockley of Hockley Photography used with permission.

A boy was 11 years old and went fishing every chance he got from a dock at his family’s cabin on an island in the middle of a New Hampshire lake. On the day before the bass season opened, he and his father were fishing early in the evening, catching some fish and perch with worms.

When his pole doubled over, he knew something huge was on the other end. His father watched with admiration as the boy skillfully worked the fish along side the dock. Finally, he very gingerly lifted the exhausted fish from the water. It was the largest one he had ever seen, but it was a bass. The boy and his father looked at the handsome fish, shining in the moonlight. The father lit a match and looked at his watch. It was 10 p.m., two hours before the season opened. He looked at the fish, then at the boy. “You’ll have to put it back, Son,” he said. “Dad!” cried the boy. “There will be another fish,” said his father. “Not as big as this one,” cried the boy.

He looked around the lake. No other fishermen or boats were around in the moonlight. He looked again at his father. Even though no one had seen them, nor could anyone ever know what time he caught the fish, the boy could tell by the clarity of his father’s voice that the decision was not negotiable. He slowly worked the hook out of the lip of the huge bass and lowered it into the black water.

That was 34 years ago. Today, the boy is a successful architect in New York City. His father’s cabin is still there.. He takes his own son and daughters fishing from the same dock. He was right. He has never again caught such a magnificent fish as the one he landed that night long ago. But he does see that same fish — again and again — every time he comes up against a question of ethics.

For, as his father taught him, ethics are simple matters of right and wrong. It is only the practice of ethics that is difficult. Do we do right when no one is looking? Do we refuse to cut corners to get the design in on time? We would if we were taught to put the fish back when we were young. For we would have learned the truth. The decision to do right lives fresh and fragrant in our memory.

This story  is reminding you not only that you already know the difference between right and wrong; you feel it in your gut. But do the right thing, and be an example to others. They will never forget.